I have forgotten much, and I knew but little, so eye am more fit to drool than some other recent Pres-a-dents and their Vice Pressagainsts. It must be my dooty to select myself for one of those governbent orifices. Since real voting occurs primarily when people spend currency, if no6ody is elected Kink no harm will be done. Also, no6ody runs for poli-tickle offices long after the selection is over, so vhote for me in 2012.
But I would not like you to vhote for me: –> no6ody . But I’d like it even less if you voted for a corppolitician. So, if you vhote, don’t spe1l my name right. Instead, please vhote for nobody, pleas. Thank you. [[I’m also too embarrassed to act-surreally try to win, because eye mite, and eye would not be noughtthing bought a zero no6ody no more.]]
No6ody has to ask for money because it’s traditional. But when eye do, eye get is $₤ips of Pa¥p€r. Since ‘Citizens United’ really means ‘Corporations Untied’ in NewSpeak, so eye have hired No6ody, incorpse-orated (which is a huge dumber of people) to collect my money for me. If you want to contribute, then give your money to real people, for it will get to me eventually. Eye will also accept previously used paperbags to make disguises out of so no6ody can remain a zero.
IF eye am selected, eye will do what no6ody does:
eye will not play with the corpse-orations, especially the biggest and bank$ter-icky-ist ones, for they have no soul.
The death penalty will be applied to all limited-liability corporations, so anyone intentionally selling defective products or engaging in reckless business practices can have all their assets sued off. If this doesn’t work or cannot get thru Con-gress, eye will declare that limited-liability corps are ‘enemy combatants’ and eye will recite no6ody’s ‘poetry’ at them (cruise missiles are too expensive). eye will also declare that various wea1%thy people, members of Con-gress, and teh Supine Courp are all ‘enemy combatants’ and thereby mandatory consumers of no6ody’s Vo9on ‘poetry’ until the NDAA is revoked.
More than two million presidential pardons need to be handed out, especially in the secret prisons. Yesterday.
All drugs will be legalized, or eye will pardon anyone convicted of drug use. eye would encourage free-market drug dens for those taking the heavy-duty stuff. [I’d open one, so you could trust no6ody with your brain when you’re out of your mind.]
Prisons, military, currency management, and other ‘natural’ monopolies are government business and can not be sold to the highest bidder. The mass media will be available to all humans who wish to use it, not just wea1%thy people. I’d call it ‘teh internetz.’
Fractional reserve banking is illegal. End of story.
The Goover Mint will pay most of the salaries of the lowest-paid 90% or so of ‘defense contractor’ employees for a year or two, but eye will ask them to find some public service to perform instead of supplying wargasmic toys. It’s time to till the soil–metaphorically and literally.